Feeling my way towards him
The dust is starting to settle a little.
When there's such a big change of direction, a lot of excess dust gets kicked up into the air and my particular helping of stardust consisted of equal measures of delight, doubt, purpose, and fear. Travel brings the excitement of something new and exotic, something to be savoured. But the knowledge that we will be leaving behind the safe for the far shores of the unknown does get to the comfort-driven side of me. I don't fully understand why it had to be now. Now that I have a baby girl to protect. Now that I've finally started settling into my home. Now that we have developed a few really deep, heart filling friendships.
Well the dust is settling and now decisions need to be made, steps need to be taken. And here's where we're at on our journey:
- Tomorrow morning at 6am we have our first Skype call with an organisation that could be the one welcoming us onto foreign soil. I do hope it turns out to be right. They're based in Romania and they work with anti human trafficking campaigns and they just seem so perfect. But, so did the idea of staying here in Hamilton and buying a house. So, I dunno.
- I have just commissioned a very talented guy here in Hamilton to create a piece of music for a podcast I am starting! YEOW! I have no idea what I'll be talking about, or how it will look, but we shall start one nonetheless! And it will somehow have something to do with this journey and the collection of creative people that we have around us.
- I've joined a couple of great gals who are running this fantastic Walk For Freedom here in Hamilton in October. Basically, on October 14, all around the world groups will be meeting up wearing black and walking for 3km to raise awareness about the massive issue that is human trafficking. Click here if you wanna get involved here in Hamilton.
- Lastly, I'm gonna stop being quite so silent about my faith now. I've put this down the bottom because even now I'm second guessing if I should even write this. And that's how quiet I've become online about being Christian. I don't know if it's because of the homophobic connotations, or the lack of praying I've been doing, or if it's my casual way of trying to fit into a society that no longer views Christianity as relevant or noteworthy. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure at the end of my days I wouldn't want God to be as quiet about our relationship as I'm being now. The fact is, even when I've relegated God to the back shelf, he waits patiently for that voluntary opening in my heart, and when I finally give him even the smallest of spaces, he steps towards me and fills me with purpose, and inspiration and a fire in my belly that gives me reason to live. And he doesn't have to do that. God knows I've pushed him away enough. But that's what he does. And that's what I want to tell people. That's what I want to tell to the people who have lived through some of the worst human experiences that have been forced upon them by their own species. That amongst the rotten, the filth, the the hate, there is a great hope.
Even though we may be going on this adventure to help people, I'm sure we're going to walk away bettered ourselves. These people will teach us so much. So I'm going to finish up with this fantastic quote from a book called Acts.
"God's intention was for the nations to seek after him, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us."
That sort of implies a blindness, a lack of surety, an unknown. Feeling my way towards him.
But it also implies a heartfelt desire to find him.
And he promises he will be found.